Cami's Life...in all it's glory

Why Hello!!!

2006-10-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

I think this time around it may have been a little bit longer than normal between posts for me, and that's saying something!!! Some how I never really feel like anything is going on in my life, but then I look at the most recent blog that I have posted and realize; DANG!!! THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO!!! I have a rough time remembering brent living at my house, quite honestly; that was back in the days of his innocence, back when he was learning how to rock climb (compared to the climbing machine that he has become now), and before he realized that climbing was a lot more enjoyable when it doesn’t involve a masochistic elder brother.

Interestingly enough, on that very note this last weekend I had a fairly close call involving the sport of rock climbing. Well, it wasn’t actually a “close call” I just thought that I was going to die...okay, I didn’t think that I was going to die, but (without any stretch of the truth) for a full 60 seconds I thought that someone was going to have to rescue me. The full story is a little bit involved, let me just say that it is made up of the following characters: Me, my friend Caleb, foiled plans, 250 ft. of vertical drop, and my new best friend named “Monkey Face” The angle doesn’t really do justice to how far down it is either.

In other news I’m a grad school student, and have found that my bachelors has prepared me nicely for grad school. One of the classes that I’m in is feared as ‘the most difficult class in the entire program’. Now, it’s not going to be an easy class, that is for certain, but I could turn in a paper that I did as an undergrad and pass, not only that class, but the next quarter’s final project as well. It’s nice to feel like I’m a little bit ahead of the game.

I’m also working for an ambulance company driving around (generally speaking) crazy old senile grandma’s and grandpa’s. The other day I had to ask a gentleman to stop spitting out chunks of his rotten teeth in the back of my van...
In yet more “other” news, Deidre and I may be moving to Los Angeles to work next summer. There is a program that would pay her to train her as a teacher, as well as an outdoor program that needs only a director to be fully functioning, ( the gear and interest is already there) so we’re hoping to do that with our lives, though nothing is official yet.
I feel like this has been very informative, and you, as my avid web-based fans, please feel free to comment, ask questions, and make a general nuisance of yourselves.

Learning life....all over again...

2006-05-27T19:25:00.000-07:00

I realize that it's been a little while since I've last written (brent just looked over my shoulder and said "a little while! no, like 4 months!!!") but I figure that seldom is better than never. So currently, my life has changed in the following ways. 1) I'm married 2) I have a wife 3) I moved 4) my little brother moved in with me. Now for the vast majority of you that find it utterly appalling that as newly weds we have a guess living with us, rest at ease, brent doesn't live with us, he lives in our "basement suite" which is code for the storage unit that we have downstairs. I know that sounds awful, but there's a bed and a desk and lamps and stuff like that, really it's quite comfortable, though I'm sure you could read his thoughts about it on his own blog. Besides that, it's not like having a guest over, it's more like having...well...like having brent over. There's no forced polietness or social obligations that we feel we must observe. It's just comfortable. And, it's fun to have him around to hang out with and here stories from. So, you, as the reader, are now obligated to apologize to brent for your malicious thoughts. thank you, that is all.

i kinda like this...

2006-01-27T01:58:00.000-08:00

check this out: deidreandcami.weddings.com

I embrace my life...

2005-11-12T12:10:00.000-08:00

So I've been walking through this weird place recently. This frustration of not being the man that I want to be, of not accomplishing the goals that I have set for my life already - even though I'm already 23!!! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!! Alright...I know that it sounds ridiculous, and I realize that it really is ridiculous, but I've realized that for so long I've felt this rush... Now that school is over do I need to be this rushed? There is talk of me going back to multnomah and helping develop an outdoor education major, I need to get my masters done, what am I waiting for, if I don't have it done in time then they will probably hire someone else and that opportunity will be lost for me forever.

Here's what I've come to realize. When I push myself so hard, when I feel like I always need to be doing something I get frustrated and end up doing hardly anything. It's like Ritalin for my busy A.D.D. brain. When I get over stimulated, I just kinda shut down. I've come to realize that I have missed doing certain things over the last couple of years. Well, honestly, I don't know that you could really say that I've missed them, cuz I'm not really sure that I've ever done them...I really enjoy reading, I really enjoy journaling...I like classic books, I like stimulating cerebral books, I enjoy sitting at home by myself for hours at a time in front of my fireplace. I enjoy doing nothing, I enjoy not rushing to me with one person and then another person, recently, I've been kinda excited when I interact with people about an hour a day.

I do think that this is in response to the majority of my time working is based in people relations, I can't really seem to get away from it working at a restaurant or a front desk, so when I don't have to do either of those I really like to be alone. I have found that I really enjoy watching an occasional movie or TV show, but anything more than occasional is too much. I feel a little bit like a hermit. You know who I remind myself of! RYAN! well...almost. I still can't spend as much time on the computer as he does, but I can totally relate to how ryan is.

Ro and I have been talking about life and how difficult and frustrating it can be and she told me about her mantra that she repeats whenever she is getting frustrated with where she is at right now. She just says, again and again "I embrace my life, I embrace my life". It's tough to be exactly where the Lord wants you, to be in process, and hate being there.

I embrace my life.

Another sucka punch shocker...2 blogs within the space of 2 months!!!

2005-10-27T18:32:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty amazing, I know, blogging as often as I do. I've basically resigned myself to the fact that the people that blog often are the people that have no real friends to talk to...which you'll note now includes myself. (i'm not being serious). The worst part about blogging is that only computer nerds read this stuff, so all of my cybergeek bashing must be kept at a minimum.

IN OTHER NEWS... I've kinda reached the point where I feel like I should know what I'm doing with my life, or at least have a strong idea of where I'm headed with myself, but I don't feel like I do. I'm interested in all kinds of things, and I have these dreams of teaching Outdoor Education and working with kids doing "things" and perhaps living in far away fun places, but it seems like those things are all so distant, so gray. Having an idea of those things only makes me more unsettled with being where I am right now. It makes it hard to go to Red Robin and serve overweight people a meal that is quadruple their suggested daily caloric intake. I feel like I have so many things going on in my life right now, and that I am pulled in so many different directions that I'm not going anywhere. In all the hustle and bustle I end up accomplishing nothing.
Or perhaps its just that the daily grind is where those long term things are being accomplished, I just have no idea that it's actually happening because I'm to close to the whole thing. I do know that the thought of pursuing my master's this next year is not very exciting to me. For some reason, I feel like it would be better for me if I wasn't in school at all right now. Interestingly enough, I sound to myself, for the first time, like someone who is entirely burnt-out on school and pursuing dreams right now...maybe it's time that I take a break...

I surrrrpose...

2005-10-21T00:49:00.000-07:00

Well well well...what have we here but a new update on Cami's Blog. I fully anticipate this new entry taking weeks to be read by anyone due to the complete lack of updating for the last...little bit. To catch you up on what has been happening, at least the basics, in the last 6 months since my last update I have: 1. moved into a new place, very spiffy! 2. Started working at the portland rock gym (portlandrockgym.com....and no, I'm not going to make that a hyperlink, sorry to annoy all the super nerds out there...) Deidre also purchased a membership there so we go climbing together about once a month when we have the same couple hours off... 3. Am currently a student at Mt. Hood Community College in their one year-ish Outdoor Education program that feels as though it may be a waste of my life. The good news about that is that I have to take 12 credits to be a full-time student, so I'm taking classes that I don't need to take and they are pretty good. My favorite right now is one called "Racial relations in the United States" - it's really interesting. 4. My youth pastor kinda got dismissed from our church so Deidre and I are kinda the new Junior High youth interns, of course we don't have the luxury of that title - and subsequently any of the power that would come with that title, so I think our official position right now is "the two college kids that do tons of stuff with the junior highers". We are responsible for games and message for the junior high on wednesdays, and then we help teach a middle school thru high school sunday school on sunday. 5. Probably some other stuff is going on...OH YEAH! I'm attending an intermediate climbing school that I tried to get into 2 years ago but didn't. It only happens once a week for 3 hrs. and occational saturday trips, but it's really fun. 6. I know that I mentioned that I'm working at Portland Rock Gym, but I'm also working one shift a week at Red Robin still, which ironically doubles my income. 20-25hrs. at the rock gym pays about the same as 5 hrs. at Red Robin. I sat down and figured it out and I estimate that I make 1/3 of what I used to make by taking the job at the gym. That said, I like working there so much more than I like working at Red Robin.

Maybe it's about time...

2005-07-07T14:55:00.000-07:00

So, I figured that it may just be about time for me to update this ol' bad boy (my blog that is...) First, let me explain: Not only does nothing super exciting and/or interesting happen in my life, but when it does, a computer screen normally isn't the most responsive receptacle for my enthusiasm. Not only that, but my compy is in a storage shed a 1/2 hr. away, so most often I steal time on other's computers to do my dirty work.
Here is an explanation of what is happening in my life (no, there is no time for an explanation, let me sum up) School is out, I just finished living with a family called the Harper's (who have the sweetest dog, and an annoyingly sweet cat) and moved into an apartment with 3 other guys. This move was difficult, not because there was much to move, but because I was moving into an apartment smaller than the space I had been living in, and sharing it with 3 other people. I'm sure I'll survive. Currently, I'm trying to get a job at the Portland Rock Gym, just because I have a friend that works there and is fairly confident that I can get a job, and because it seems more like where my life is headed than working at Red Robin, though Red Robin pays more than double.
In other news, I just went climbing at this place called Rocky Butte, which has been sitting conveniently 5 min. for me for the last 4 years of my life, and I had never once climbed it. There is a bunch of routes, and they all seem to be pretty exciting. As my friend Nich and I were exploring the different faces walking around we came to a cave with garbage bags and plywood leaned up blocking the entrance. As we stood there we noticed that there were piles of sticks around that looked as though they had been carefully gathered and laid there. After a second we realized that it smelled something awful, looked down, and noticed that we were standing in fresh urine. As I recall it was at this point we decided that it was probably time to go, and headed out in somewhat of a hurry.
That's all for now. Maybe in a couple more months I'll update again.

Life?

2005-04-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

So i'm in this climbing class right now with this guy that is a photographer...his pictures are amazing, I especially like this one of us climbing mt. hood. Check it out, and also, check out his blog with his photo archive, pretty amazing. www.dmitrivonklein.com
and
http://www.dmitrivonklein.com/outgoing/3DEF2858.jpg

Hmmmm....

2005-04-02T20:06:00.000-08:00

I don’t have to refine myself, I don’t have to make myself clean enough for God to use me. I could never make myself clean enough. It’s too easy for me to want to be used by God, and thereby avoid actually relationship with God. “What if I could make myself good enough for God to let me do stuff for Him?” The question seems well intended, but at the heart of it is a dangerous theology – actually a couple of dangerous theologies – I make myself clean for God, & and God just wants to use me. First of all, what do I have to do with my cleaning? Did I initiate it? Do I ensure it? Does the Bible say “He will finish the work that I started?” or “I will finish the work that He started”? How arrogant of me! God doesn’t want relationship with me so He can use me. God just wants me. He wants my heart. He wants my mind. It’s a simple step that I think I’ve been missing for too long. From that relationship work will flow, but that is not why God wants me. These thoughts are inspired by a song a guy in my dorm section wrote that has the line in it sung towards God that says, “Make me an instrument to use”. The song is right on, but it seems that it’s missing that little step. God doesn’t want me to use me. I don’t have to clean myself up so I’ll be good enough for Him. If I lived this way how much of my life would be different!?

Maybe I'm just crazy...

2005-03-22T13:35:00.000-08:00

...but I really don't think so. I'm currently sitting in the room of some old college friends that have graduated and moved on with their lives. They are currently working as missionaries in Slovenia, and are working towards the gradual warming of this country to the gospel.
Ironically enough, my ponderings about crazyhood have little to do with the fact that I am sitting in a living room in a country that I heard of only 2 weeks ago, but much more to do with the fact that I've realized that I don't expect God to speak to me. I know that I believe He can, but I don't really think that He will. This woman spoke tonight about how to truly be connected to God you have to believe that God can speak to you, and that He likes to speak to you, and that He will speak to you if you ask Him to. It's tough to realize how small my faith can be. I so badly desire to be a man of God and realize that even this desire can be tainted with the yeast of self-love...

How are you supposed to box with a kangaroo if you don't have a tail?

2005-02-12T13:19:00.000-08:00

In another ironic twist of fate, I found out yesterday that I am only missing a couple of hours of my EMT class before I can take the final. I was supposed to take it in December, but the lady (you know the lady that I'm talking about, she is the one that seems to be in every official position that you need someone on your side for, but instead of being nice and helping she takes delight in the fact that she has the power to tell you what to do. The kind of lady that goes through your whole wallet at the border patrol...you know this lady) anyway, the lady told me that I had 20 hrs. or more that I had to finish before I would be able to take the test. That meant that I couldn't take it in December at all. This whole EMT test is somewhat of an ongoing saga, I was supposed to take the state exam in March 2003, but I was missing a couple of hours then. I have tried to take it in June, September, and now December. I could take it in March, but I'm going to be in Europe, so the next time that I could take it would be in June 2004. The fact that the "lady" just straight up lied to me is a little disconcerting, but what can you do?
More than anything, it just convinces me that the Lord has his hand in it. The certification is only good for 2 years before you have to be recertified, so maybe there is something that I will need it for within the next 2 years that I wouldn't have been able to do without the EMT certification if I had already gotten it. Who knows!?

2005-02-07T18:25:00.000-08:00

2005-02-07T14:24:00.000-08:00

Cami & Deidre @ Tak

2005-02-07T01:53:00.000-08:00

Cool Collage thingy...

Woah...

2005-02-07T01:39:00.000-08:00

Deidre & Katherine in one pair of pants. These pants belong to Tre, who knows where in the world he got them from. Who in the world would EVER need a GIANT pair of PINK pants!!! This destroys all logic to me. I'm flabbergasted.

2005-02-07T01:33:00.000-08:00

Me, looking...pretty much my best.

Over Committed...or Healthily Stressed?

2005-02-06T20:45:00.000-08:00

An excellent question. I'm glad you asked. I am about to send off in the mail an application to a climbing class that will take up a month's worth of Monday nights and weekends. I just got off the phone with the director of a two week summer camp called CREDO asking me to direct the coaches, involving the majority of my Saturdays for the rest of the school year. It's kinda funny because I was just sitting looking at my schedule wondering what I am going to do with the extra time that I have. ..seriously, I was. I currently have 18 credits, I am an RA, and I just started working 15-20hrs. a week at Red Robin (where I just finished my first week walking away with more than $200 in tips! From one week! Three nights!!! Ironically, I also just got my last paycheck for 2 1/2 weeks of work at my last job - the paycheck was $187.)

People have been telling me for as long as I have been able to choose how much I do, that I am doing too much. Is it bad that I love to do as much as I do? Not that I have all my self-esteem drawn from the things that I accomplish, and sure, there are lots of times that I wish I didn't have so much to do so that I could do random things like go hiking for a week, or go watch a movie, or ________ (insert fun waste of time here). But then there are the other times that I have nothing random and fun that I want to be doing, but I don't want to be bored doing nothing either. When I last hit this phase I installed "James Bond 007" onto my computer. It's a fun (kinda fruity) game. I played it for about a week till I had things to do again. I uninstalled it from my computer thinking that there would never be a time when I could possibly have time to play a silly game like that again...and, you guessed it, I've since re-installed it. I wonder if these choices are good ones, ones that I won't regret later. Looking back on it, I know that I've loved the things that I have done in the past, I don't regret doing any of the things - but sometimes I do regret doing all the things that I did at once.

I wonder where that "healthy balance" is. You know, the "golden median" that all the Greek philosophers talk about. What does it look like in my life to be focused enough on every aspect of what I'm doing. Is it bad when my grades suffer? If I do everything that I'm committed to, and I do it well, does that mean that I'm okay to do everything that I do? What about the un-measurable things that get sacrificed along the way? What about relationships, what about freedom to follow a whim once in a while. What about time to go hiking? Time to sit and stare at walls? Time to process? Do i like to be busy to run away from these things? Or do I just not need much of it?

middle of the freak'in night....

2005-02-03T01:09:00.000-08:00

Does it seem to anyone else that there are far too many things to do as you are trying to go to bed? It seriously seems like the moment that I think to myself, "well, that was fun wasteing all that time because I had nothing better to do, now to head off to bed" I run smack into things that I need to do. Not even big things or important things, just little things that I can find myself doing for the next couple of hours sometimes. Sounds like I'm exaggerating, but i swear unto you that I am not. Probably because I live in a men's dorm where as I'm doing these little unimportant tasks guys will walk into my room and start talking and keep talking, and keep talking about really important stuff, stuff that I'm paid as an RA to listen to. Right now for example, what am I doing blogging? I am so tired that all I want to do is crawl into bed...and yet.
In other super exciting news (for those of you that have no life and find mundane things exciting) I finally finished training at Red Robin. Last night I worked my first shift there, it was pretty slow but I still ended up walking with $52 in tips. Not bad for my first night...i think.
Dr. Patty asked me to direct CREDO, and when I got back to him saying that I would accept he informed me that he needed another week to be certain, and that there were still some things that he needed to figure out before he could officially ask me. That has now been a week and a half ago. I have asked him what is going on, and he assures me that they are actively pursuing it - which does nothing but make me more afraid. What is it that could possibly take so long to decide? If he finally does offer, do I even want to accept if there is opposition - or things that "need working out". The longer it takes the more I feel uneasy about jumping on this ship, and the more I feel that this ship may not be terribly excited about having me. I guess only time will really tell.

Long time....

2005-01-24T19:39:00.000-08:00

So I seriously just updated with a mammoth of a blog, but before it uploaded my computer shut off because I accidentally had my leg up against the power button. So I feel like an idiot and I have to rewrite a bunch of stuff.
I'm just going to take this as a sign that this blogging thing really isn't meant to be.

So this is a blog huh...?

2004-11-05T11:14:00.000-08:00

I don't really know why i'm experimenting with this, it seems that this will probably be one of the few times that I will use this and then I'll get tired of it and never use it again. Who knows though...maybe I really will become a computer nerd and start typing out my life and publishing it for the cyberspace communities enjoyment. We'll see...